Krust. (antikrust) wrote,

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I'm numb from all my doubt, Trying to sort the whole thing out.

My mind is on overload, and most of it is what some may thing is meaningless crap, hell, I think it is some of the time.
I can NEVER get to sleep at a decent hour.
I try turning everything off and just laying in bed to force myself to sleep, but then my mind turns on, and it's pretty much useless.
I'm so emotional right now.
I cried when we left the movie theatre last night.
I miss not being as close with my Father as I once was, and I know I am to blame for it.
Same goes for my Aunt. And my Brother, and Emily, Lisa, and even Laura, who I live with.
Seeing them all the past couple days made me realize it alot more, I guess.
And, I LOVE the Holidays, and CHRISTMAS!!! But, only because of my Family and past Christmases and all the fun things we did, and still try to do, Christmas isn't the same anymore. I dunno, hopefully this is a result of pms, but I feel so detatched, and I do try so hard to not be, but I'm also trying to do so many other things, when I'm not at work, or school, I like to sit in my room, on my computer, with the TV on. Lame, but it's all I want to do on my time off most of the time.
I don't know
bleh. if I'm trying to do too much, or not enough sometimes.
Christmas is I dunno. It makes me feel lonlier than ever, sometimes, I don't understand why I LOVE it so much, because, I really don't like being alone as much as I used to, well that's a lie, I suppose I never actually liked it, but I didn't mind it as much. It's just getting really, really old, or maybe I just don't want to be alone at Christmas. I don't know what to think or do anymore. I probably really shouldn't feel as alone as I do, though.
ramble, ramble, ramble.

On a more positive note: WE may be going to get our Christmas tree tommorrow! Hoooooray!

Off to try that whole sleep thing again.
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