I'm avoiding everything.
So, I'm sitting in my room. I am semi-cleaning it. But, taking alot of breaks, because I'm lazy. Like really lazy. My pile of laundry is still in the hallway. I intended on starting it like 3 hours ago. Now, I'm thinking tommorrow, or Saturday...? Shit, I better do it tonight.
Why am I soooooo unmotivated? I hate it. I hate waking up after 1pm, which I have been doing alot lately. I just feel gross when I do, and depressed because I wasted the whole day, I have so much I should be doing. Such as going to school, which I have been terrible about. How is it, that I have perfect attendence at work, like I'm early even most of the time, but I can't drag my ass to school? I'm not going to lie, I don't like it as much as I thought I would, or as much as I did when I started. But, is that just me being lazy. Yes, probably. I just feel like a total failure, although, I haven't completely failed, yet. But, I want to finish, so I can finally say I've done SOMETHING. Even though, I don't think it's even what I want to do anymore.
Anyway, I'm lame. Part of my motivation for cleaning my room is the fact that I will be moving soon, like end of Februaryish. Not sure where I'm going to live yet. I really would LOVE to try living on my own. But, financially that is retarded. I need to make myself more financially independent. And I think Living on my own is the only way to accomplish that. I know I still depend on my sister and roomates to remind me to pay bills, and things, and it's kinda ridiculous, beacuse I am 23 and I should grow the fuck up. Plus, I'd like to have a place to myself, becasue shit I'm selfish, and I want to do things my way. The other reason is the East Coast trip I am Embarking on, on Monday. I have never been to Boston or New York, and I'm really excited. I'm going with some coworkers. I hope to learn alot, really, oh and shop, I can't lie. I'm a little nervous, I have been known to get Homesick... I'm leaving all of my family, and friends and my room, with all my stuff. I will be far way, and how do I know everyone and everything is protected. Not that I ever protect anyone. But, you know. Plus, I've noticed myself getting extremely territorial lately... So, leaving my room without supervision for like a week is making me beyond crazy. I hate that. I think I have trust issues.
I'm totally avoiding cleaning at this point. I have too much cra. I want a dumpster outside my door, to throw out all my clutter. Like the unimportnat stuff I save for no reason. I'm such a pack rat. I really should read more, and watch something other than stupid sitcoms that I've seen the same episode of like 10 times. I have been feeling somewhat inspired lately, but still unmotivated. Is that possible? If it is, it's stupid. but, that's what I am.
Why are you reading this?
Go, do something. Don't let me drag you down with me.